We have decided to just try on our own these last few months, of course, with no luck. I get so excited when it's that 'time' that we are trying and then when the time to take a test or that dreadful 'Aunt Flow' shows up... I am crushed. Once again, I want to just go curl up in a ball and hide. These past few months I have either taken a pregnancy test or just let nature do her thing and I just cry. It's very upsetting. It's something that I feel I can't talk about because there are no answers, no one can help me, and nothing can make it better.
Last week we went back to the infertility clinic to meet with our doctor to talk more about our options. We had been looking into IVF and was not sure about the process or price. Our doctor referred us to doing more inseminations if we can. IVF is out of our league pricewise; ($15,000) its like spending your life savings on a gamble, that if you win you will need your life savings to help provide for, but if you lose, you lose... no refunds, no more chances. I only read a small portion of the information given to me about the process, but I am not sure I like the idea of 'tricking' my body to get in the state to conceive. It's a very medical process, pricewise and timewise. We are considering doing more inseminations, but now it's a timing thing and it's not cheap either. There are alot of events taking place over the next few months that will put a strain on the checking account, so diping into our savings would be the only avenue to take. With these events taking place, timing everything may not be on our side. It's like more and more things are getting in the way of this dream.
I've read articles that people say "stop trying and it will happen." I really don't understand this at all. To me, it's like telling someone "Stop playing the lottery and you will win!" Makes no sense to me at all. I don't get it. I have even started to distract myself from all of this by doing more in my life. Exercising has become more important and I even started a community dog walk/Woof Pack group that meets on Thursday evenings. I also started back into dog training with a client that lives near me. Pinterest has helped as well; I have some crafts that have kept me busy. Oh, and I also started reading more. I saw on Pinterest a pink onesie that said "I'm a Fifty Shades of Gray Baby" and decided to read the book. (hey its worth the try) Well apparently, that did not work either. (And I am almost done with the 3rd book)
So now I have to deal with my emotions, deal with my tears, deal with seeing babies at work, deal with people that curiously ask how this is all going, deal with the timing and money factor of doing more inseminations, deal with the effects of the clomid medication... deal... deal... deal....
