Things did not go as planned

So it's been quite awhile since I have even logged on to blogspot. A lot has happened in the past year and a half. My first and last post was very uplifting! But things did not go as planned. We had a couple doctors appointments and all seemed ok, until the first ultrasound. At the time I thought I was eight weeks pregnant, the ultrasound showed I was only six weeks pregnant and I was carrying TWINS! Talk about excitement, I could not believe it. The ultrasound did not show any heartbeats and i was asked to come back in 10 days. This was in December and mid month Sean was being deployed to Iraq. So much going on in my mind and body, what a whirlwind! My saddened body must not have thought it was time to grow a couple of beautiful babies and I had a miscarriage the night that Sean left for his deployment. Talk about timing. I felt so alone and so sad. The doctors said that these things just happen and it wasn't anything unordinary and that we should keep trying. It was quite difficult and impossible to try with your husband in another world fighting someone else's battle. The six months he was deployed went by pretty fast. My knight in shining armor came home safe and sound. After a few months of getting back and settled in, we decided to start trying again to conceive. Well, again, this did not go as planned. Now we are on another journey. Journey of infertility. Since the beginning of the year we have been seeing a specialist. Sometimes I feel that it is a struggle, it's hard to not to be able to do something that a woman should be able to do. Sometimes I feel that it is a journey because everything happens for a reason. There's a reason it hasn't happened yet. I believe it will. But just not yet.