10 Things You Should Not Say to a Friend Experiencing Infertility
1. Pregnant yet? If your friend is pregnant, she'll tell you when she's ready. Don't keep asking her how it's going. Let her tell you in her own time.
2. It could be worse. To a couple who wants children, it really can't be worse.
3. Haven't you done enough? It is up to your friend to determine when enough is enough.
4. Focus on the other parts of your life. This is really tough for a woman with infertility problems to do. For some women, her desire for a child becomes her life.
5. Think of all the fun things you can do if you don't have children. If the couple didn't want children, they would not be going to the trouble they are to have them.
6. How much is this costing you? This is none of your business!
7. Are you sure you chose the best doctor? Don't question your friend's medical choice unless she asks your opinion.
8. Just relax. Infertility is a medical condition, not a psychological one.
9. You can always adopt. The couple already knows this. They are going through the expense and trouble of infertility treatments because that is the path they have chosen. At some point they may consider adoption, but not now.
10. When my friend couldn't get pregnant... Your friend doesn't need to hear what worked for other people. Her efforts to conceive are hers alone.
Exactly!!! I have friends that ask me "Are you pregnant yet?" It makes me cringe. I just sigh, say no, and my heart melts inside. Most times I have to walk away so the tears don't well up.
5. Think of all the fun things?!?!?! I hear this alot! Or, "I'll give you one of mine!" It's our next step in live, something that we absolutely want. Ugh!
10 Things You Should Say to a Friend Experiencing Infertility
1. Would you like me to go to your appointment with you? If a partner is not available or your friend is becoming a single mother by choice, having a friend to accompany her to appointments can be welcome support.
2. May I take you out to dinner?
3. How about if we just sit here and you tell me how you feel? If your friend isn't comfortable talking to you, since you haven't experienced infertility, offer to help her find a support group for women who are having similar experiences.
4. No, I don't mind hearing about how hard this is! Remind her that she's always been there for you, and that you will be there for her. That's what friends are for.
5. It is not your fault! It is no one's fault. Sometimes these things just happen.
6. You will make a wonderful mother.
7. You look so beautiful! (This is particularly important since many women begin to loathe their bodies during infertility treatment, viewing it as dysfunctional or inadequate. Some women gain weight from the treatments.)
8. I want you to come to my baby shower but I totally understand if it's too much for you. While some women find it too painful to be around young children and pregnant women, others are hurt if they're left out.
9. I'd like to come over tomorrow and clean the house and make you dinner. Infertility treatments can be exhausting, physically and emotionally. Your friend will appreciate the help.
10. I think you are amazing. I admire your commitment.
"First off, please take me dinner, I would love to eat some good food in this awlful state. Oh and come over and clean for me too! That would be great!" But really, just don't make a big deal of it. I know I will make a wonderful mother, I have my husband and a couple of close to talk to about it, and I know I am beautiful and amazing."
The funny thing is that I found this article as link in another Yahoo news story that talks about Alcohol and Childless Women.
Women Who Suffer from Infertility More Likely to Become Alcoholics, Study Says. So of course, I had to read this to see what the study perdicts for me.
"Our study showed that women who remained childless after fertility evaluation had an 18 percent higher risk of all mental disorders than the women who did have at least one baby," Baldur-Felskov said. "These higher risks were evident in alcohol and substance abuse, schizophrenia and eating disorders, although appeared lower in affective disorders including depression."
I won't fall into this category!!!!
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